#and now it’s that horrible chest tightness and associated anxiety that’s killing me

[sri-rachaa]

.

[milliedazzledust]

Even When It Hurts (Clark Kent imagine)

Request by @icyhollands​ : Clark comforting the reader after she got hurt by someone pretty badly, and him comforting her from a anxiety attack after she gets hurt

Words: 2009

A/N: I know a lot of you were waiting for this so I’m sorry it took so long to write - thank you for your patience and I hope you’ll like it :) 

“Clark, you need to come down, now!”

Flying across his enemies on the battlefield, he faintly heard the sound of a voice, even with the distance. As soon as Bruce had found the aliens associated with Darkseid, they had been quick to act and the whole team had made the trip to fight.

While the others were keeping most of their opponents on the ground, he had taken upon himself to divert their attention from the precious object they were trying to steal by attacking from the sky. Too focused on the task, he had missed Arthur and Y/N going after a bunch of them. When she had seen her friend in bad posture, she hadn’t hesitated to put herself between him and the alien, taking the full blast of his hit. Her body had flown across the field before landing on a large tree trunk, breaking it in half. Her vision had been blurred for a moment, too disoriented as her breath was knocked out of her by the hard impact. She hadn’t been fast enough to notice the monster running toward her until she had felt the pain. Arthur had come to her rescue and killed him, but it was too late. The damage was already done.

When she looked down, all she saw was the tip of the weapon he had used, the other half was deep in her side, buried between what she guessed was her ribs. 

“Y/N’s been hit!” Arthur yelled as he grabbed her when she fell on her knees. 

High above their heads, Clark looked down and quickly spotted the wounded woman. He wasted no time in making his way to her, sending some of the aliens flying with a flicker of his hand. When one of them launched at him, and conjuring up all his frustration and his anger, he punched him with a force that knocked him out instantly. 

His eyes remained on her, always. He felt his heart clenched when he saw pain twisting her features and instantly understood the gravity of her situation. She was holding onto Arthur, clutching her side, holding the weapon steady in her flesh. Fear is all he could feel when he landed on the ground, staring at the large gash of blood around her wound. He could even hear her heartbeat getting faster by the second. 

Furrowing his brows in concern, he kneeled in front of her and grabbed her face. For a second he just studied her, softly brushing a tear with his thumb, until his eyes landed on hers.

“How bad is it ?” She asked him, her voice a weak whisper.

“You’re gonna be fine” He assured her.

“You’re a terrible liar, Clark” She tried to smile but even that simple movement seemed too much in her state.

She knew if she didn’t feel a thing yet it was purely because of the adrenaline. Tiny little molecules running through her veins, urging her body to fight back, to survive and fix what the foreign object had torn. She could sense fluid pouring out of her injury, the hand clutching her side was already covered in red. She was waiting for the moment the hormone would stop working and she would feel like a bomb had exploded inside of her. 

She closed her eyes and a sob escaped her mouth. Her breathing was getting irregular and she was losing her grip. She was exhausted.

“Y/N, stay with me” The superhero tried to motivate her, slowly shaking her head. “Show me those pretty eyes” 

She was starting to lose consciousness, and that observation alone terrified him. He kissed her forehead in a sign of encouragement and laid his hand over hers so she wouldn’t let go. She cried out in pain and glanced down. It only took a couple seconds before he was covered in blood as well. He pursed his lips, forcing himself to keep his eyes on hers and not look at the wound. His face was betraying him and he wasn’t even aware of it. She could so easily see the reflection of his own fear in his gaze, the depiction of worry over his features that she lazily traced with her fingers. The shadow of a smile appeared on her lips knowing only she could read him like an open book. 

“It’s alright, baby” He comforted her. 

“You should work on your poker face” She tried to joke. She was glad it made him smirk.

He turned his head toward Arthur, still holding the woman’s body.

“We’re gonna lay her down” He told him.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea” Y/N warned him, grabbing his biceps to stop him. 

“Do you trust me ?” He muttered, stroking her cheek.

“You know I do”

“Then trust me” 

She faintly nodded and let the men handle her wounded body. Arthur was behind her, holding on her shoulders, and Clark was in front of her, one hand on her wound, the other behind her neck. As gently as they could, they started to rotate her. Clark never moved his gaze away from hers, not even when her hand gripped his shoulder in pain or when her tears flowed freely as the pain started to become unbearable. 

The moment her head touched the ground, she began to cough blood. Her eyes widened at the realization and her heartbeat hastily palpitated. 

“We’re alright” He reassured her.

“We’re alright” She repeated in a whisper. She could no longer focus on anything around her. Anxiety was creeping up and threatening to take over. She knew it would do no good but she couldn’t stop it. Her hand tightly clutched the fabric of her man’s costume and her chest started to rise more rapidly as bile rose in her throat. 

“Clark” She called for help in a single breath. 

“I’m here, baby. I’m not leaving your side” 

He wiped the blood on her mouth with his finger.

“You and I have a date tomorrow, remember ?” He spoke, smiling when she faintly nodded. “So you’re not allowed to fall asleep. I haven’t even introduce you to my terrible cooking yet”

Her laugh started a coughing fit, bringing more blood out of her mouth.

“I have to take it out, Y/N” He said more seriously, motioning to the weapon in her body. 

Her eyes widened in panic and she shook her head, ignoring the pain.

“Hey, hey, hey, it’s alright, beautiful. I’ve got you” 

“A .. plan ?” She asked.

“Yes, I do have a plan” He understood her question. “But you’re not going to like it” 

“Tell me” She murmured.

“You’re hemorrhaging,” He explained. “If we let it in, you’re risking an infection”

“And if you take it out, I’ll bleed out” She weakly responded.

“Not if I cauterize the wound” 

“How ?” 

She understood the moment she saw his eyes flashing red. She gulped, mentally preparing herself for what was to come.

“I trust you” She repeated the words she had said already.

He nodded and gave her one last encouraging smile before motioning for Arthur to come closer. He explained his plan in a hurry before standing up, letting the King of Atlantis take his place. 

“Ready ?” He questioned the woman.

“Do it” She said, clenching her teeth. 

She averted her gaze toward Clark, mouthing one last ‘I love you’ before Arthur pulled out the weapon in a very fast movement and held her down. Superman’s eyes immediately started glowing and he directed his heat vision to the open wound. The moment the high temperature laser touched her skin, she screamed in agony. A horrible, searing pain suddenly invaded her body and she was convinced she was going to die right there. She felt the urge to get away from the source but Arthur had a good grip on her. She kept shouting, as if it would ease the burning sensation. Clark’s jaw tightened and a tear rolled down his cheek, hating to be the one causing her pain.

After only a couple of seconds, she could no longer handle the torture and lost consciousness. The superhero stopped his ministration when he was sure the wound was closed properly and no blood was leaking anymore. Ignoring the smell of burned skin, he silently picked her up in his arms, listening closely to her heartbeats to make sure she was alright.

“I’ve got her” He told Arthur before bolting in the air.

She woke up hours later in a bed, completely disoriented. It took her a solid minute to recognize Clark’s bedroom inside the Kent farmhouse. She felt a throbbing ache on her side and muffled a scream when she touched it. When she looked down, she realized Clark had taken off her suit and had replaced it with one of his shirts. She lifted it to inspect the damage but all there was left of her wound was a small scar made by the man she loved. She shuddered at the memory and swung her legs off the bed. The moment her feet touched the ground, her body crumbled and she lost her balance. A pair of strong arms caught her before she could injure herself.

“You’ve not healed yet” A voice scolded her.

She didn’t answer. Her eyes closed, she let her head fall on his chest and circled his waist, squeezing him in a tight embrace that she so desperately needed. He was her safe line when she was spiraling down, which was happening now that she remembered she had almost lost him.

“How are you feeling ?” He inquired, kissing her head

“Alive” She replied. “I got … I really got scared for a minute”

She brushed a tear and tried to stop the hurricane of negative thoughts hitting her. He felt it too when her body started shaking and ran a hand on her back to calm her down.

“I wouldn’t have let anything happen to you” He swore, holding back the anxiety creeping in. “And I hope you know I won’t let you out of my sight for at least a week” 

She knew it was his way of lightening the mood when he could feel her darkness hovering above both of their heads. He had a way of guessing when it was coming and always reacted quickly, diverting her attention to anything else but her mind playing games.

“Do I, at least, get to spend that week in your arms ?” She smirked, raising her head so only her chin was resting on his chest.

“I have conditions” He replied with a smile.

She rolled her eyes.

“Name it” 

She saw the change in his attitude and tilted her head in confusion when he took a step back. Cupping her face with both his hands, he stared deeply at her. She could see his quiet emotion through the way his eyes bore into hers, his fear and his devotion.

“Never say I love you like it’s the last time I’ll ever get to hear it” He told her, his lips quivering as a shaky breath escaped his mouth.

Instead of answering, she led him to the bed behind them and together they laid down. He pulled her close and she raised her head until her lips found his. She didn’t need words when she could condensed a million loving thoughts into this moment. The emotion of that kiss alone spoke volume. A simple gesture that meant ‘you’re my home and I won’t leave’

“I love you, Clark”

She repeated the words again and again, making him laugh with happiness. He tightened his hold around her waist until she was almost laying on his chest. Her ear against his heart, she listened with a smile and closed her eyes, soothed by the steady rhythm. 

“Thank you” She whispered after a while. 

“What for ?”

“Bringing my head and soul back home to you when they get lost” 

“Always” He promised.

Her face nuzzled in the crook of his neck, she kissed his cheek and peacefully fell asleep in his protective embrace. 

[itsthesinbin]

Always Watching (Yandere!Soundwave/OC SFW)

Thank you to @jinxkatkazama (won’t let me tag you) for your business!

If you like this fic, consider commissioning me!

Warning For: Stalking, kidnapping, obsessive behavior

Nienna still remembered when she first met the Autobots.

“Stupid fucking gps,” she grumbled, resisting the urge to throw her phone out of frustration. Of course, even following a fuckin’ COMPUTER, she still got lost. Of COURSE she did. This SUCKS.

She was simply mumbling to herself when she heard… commotion. Something big slamming into something bigger. Yelling and fighting. What the hell was going on?

Something told Nia to run, but she was a hard-headed girl. She ran, but not away from the fighting like she SHOULD have done. An absolute idiot, she is, it seemed.

What she saw crash into the street was… incredible. Terrifying.

Alien.

A giant, robotic creature had been slammed into the ground. A larger creature shot at her with some kind of blaster, and she had to roll out of the way. Nia had no idea what happening, but…

Girls gotta stick together, right?

She thinks the blue one is a girl, anyway- she sounded feminine. That was good enough for Nia.

She fished a large textbook out of her bag, whistling loudly to catch the bigger creature’s attention. It turned to face her, bright red visor shining down at her dangerously.

“Don’t you know you can’t hit a girl, jackass,” she screamed, chucking the book at the creature’s face.

It bounced off harmlessly. Nia didn’t really know what else she expected, but it wasn’t the creature coming at her with a giant gun.

“Oh shit,” Nia yelled, scrambling backwards. Before the creature could attack, the female had gotten up and slammed herself into the other bot’s back. While they fought, Nia hurried to a safer spot.

She heard yelling, shots fired, and then finally tires screeching as someone drove away. Nia felt her heart hammering in her chest, hearing clunking as one of the creatures approached. She was gonna die today. Of course she was.

The blue bot appeared, peeking around the corner she was hiding behind. She had her hands up, trying to convey that she wasn’t going to harm the human in front of her. Nia stepped back a little, but didn’t run.

“... Ugh, great,” she muttered, crouching down to Nia’s level.

“I know you have a lot of questions, and I can answer them, but you gotta come with me- you’d be in danger if I just left you alone. Got it?” Too stunned, Nia simply nodded, eyes widening as the bot transformed into a… fucking motorcycle. Great. Fantastic. Nia’s going to the looney bin.

She didn’t want to argue with a weird giant robot, so… she was going to be kidnapped by one instead, it seemed.

Reaching the base, meeting the others, was… something else. Seeing the other humans with them put Nia at ease, as well, after they explained their own situations.

So, now she’s stuck with alien robots and their human adoptees. Ratchet denied THAT association with the kids, but Nia can tell Ratchet is the MOTHERIEST of mother hens. It was cute.

Nia had time to kill, some days, and would idly watch Raf mess around with programs on his computer. Already having a bit of knowledge on coding and programming, she asked if she could help with anything.

“No, that’s fine-”. An alarm blared, cutting him off. He turned back to the screen, ignoring her as she looked over his shoulder.

“Scrap,” he huffed. “Someone’s found a signal? I thought everything was secure”. Nia saw the big computer flash something, and moved to let Raf work on his laptop.

Climbing up to the main console, she wondered if she should mess with it. Ratchet would KILL her, and, honestly, she had no idea what she was doing.

As she heard Raf getting frustrated and scared, however, she knew she had to try. She had to do SOMETHING.

Herr fingers flew across the holographic keyboard, the keys automatically switching to her native language. Thank GOD it did, Nia thought, or else she’d be FUCKED.

Nia looked up when the alarm ended, seeing the alert system had stopped. Raf ran a hand through his hair, glancing at her with surprise.

“Thanks for… the help- I didn’t expect you to be able to do that,” he said, eyes wide. Nia gave him a thumbs up, hopping down from the console.

“... How about I teach you how to keep up with the alert system,” Raf said, motioning for her to come over. Nia couldn’t help but feel proud as she sat next to the young boy.

Nia spent months with the Autobots, helping Raf with his security, and Miko with her music. Not helping Jack babysit, though, as he ended up babysitting HER as well. She was not a good influence on anyone.

She really shouldn’t have been surprised when she thought she was being followed, due to her… recent activities.

Another late night, another hour of being lost on the way home. Stupid GPS never worked like it should.

Nia felt like something was… off, however. The air felt heavy, and she constantly felt like something was staring holes into her back. Her chest felt tight with nerves and anxiety.

When she looked over her shoulder, she caught something dark gliding into an alleyway. It was big and birdlike, but definitely not organic. Nia swallowed thickly, turning back around and hurrying down the street.

Now that she was paying attention, she could hear a faint whirring noise from… whatever it was following her. God, it was terrifying.

She picked up speed, brisk walk turning into an all-out sprint. She recognized where she was, now. Nia knew how to get home from here. She’d get home, and call the Autobots. Everything’s gonna be alright.

When she found her home, she all but booked it into the house. The door slammed shut, she braced herself against it to try and stay upright. Her legs shook with adrenaline, and her hands were too unsteady to grab her phone.

She heard it outside for the longest time, zipping around the house. Seeing its’ lights shine through the windows. She didn’t know how long she stayed there until it finally left. Nia didn’t DARE move until she was sure it was gone.

The call with Optimus was shaky, and he had Bumblebee stationed outside her house for the night with the order to comm if anything suspicious happened.

Over the course of the next few weeks, Nia would feel like something was severely off. She felt watched. She felt like she wasn’t alone in her own home. It was horrible, not able to feel safe in the comfort of her house.

She had various Bots outside her home, keeping watch outside. That small comfort allowed her to be calm enough to continue with her normal routine, instead of turning into an anxiety-filled hermit. It just took a little longer to be comfortable enough to sleep at night.

Unbeknownst to Nia, though, someone was keeping a very close optic on her.

The Decepticons’ recon bot, Soundwave himself, had taken an interest in the foolish little human the vehicon complained about. Even if he wasn’t harmed, there was still a small crack in his optic that he wouldn’t shut up about. At least, until Knockout finally fixed it.

Soundwave was a little intrigued- he was interested in all of the Autobots’ little pets, but this one… this one was more annoying than the child.

After he tapped into Nia’s computer, he found the programs Raf had put on it. The ones she modified. He recognized the code, and a flame of curiosity lit in his spark.

So, this was the one that enhanced the child’s primitive coding, too? Fascinating. He’d have to keep tabs on her for a while. Make sure she isn’t planning to do anything that could be… detrimental to the Decepticon cause.

He’s sure Lord Megatron wouldn’t mind this little side project. It’d be to ensure the safety of the Decepticons, of course.

He kept a feed of her up constantly, alongside his usual duties. By the end of the first week, he knew her schedule. Knew what she liked to eat, what she sang while she cooked, how she liked her showers.

By the end of the month, he knew what she was going to do before she even did it.

He began to notice small changes about her, after a day. He had been sending Laserbeak to keep watch on her when she was out of her home, and she must have taken note of the Con’s coloring. She stopped wearing the blues and purples Soundwave had come to enjoy. Gaudy pinks and reds replaced her normal clothing, reminding him of Knockout.

He didn’t quite know why, but it made him angry, thinking she was matching another Con.

Soundwave found himself entertaining the idea of putting her back in clothes that matched his paint. Keeping her here, out of the reach of those weak Autobots.

Hm… He may be more involved with this project than he initially thought. Well… he has been loyal- perhaps Lord Megatron will allow him… a small privilege.

By the next week, he found himself waiting for Laserbeak. His little friend went to pick up his… new guest. Megatron had been pleasant about the idea, if confused. When told that this human was a friend of the Autobots, Megatron was proud of the idea.

Soundwave was fine using you as leverage. As long as he had the human.

The sound of screaming caught his attention, angry cursing filling the halls of the Nemesis as Laserbeak entered his quarters. Nia was dangling from the flying Con’s hold, kicking her legs and cussing furiously.

She fell quiet as she was brought towards Soundwave, anger replaced with terror as she was dropped into his palm. Laserbeak returned to his spot in Soundwave’s dock, slipping into recharge. As she stared up at him, Soundwave began a recording.

Megatron’s face appeared on Soundwave’s screen, startling the tiny, fleshy creature in his hand. One simple squeeze, and it’d be over. The idea of having this much power was… interesting.

“Welcome, human,” the recording began. “You are being given to my reconnaissance professional, and he has full control over your wellbeing- I suggest you behave yourself.” Nia’s face contorted, returning back to being livid.

“Fuck you, you bucket of bolts!” The recording, of course, paid her no mind. Soundwave thought it was amusing.

“You are here as collateral, but do not think you are above being killed, should you prove to be too much trouble.” Megatron grinned, making a wave of nausea wash over the human.

“Let’s hope your Autobots really do care about you.” The recording ended there as Soundwave entered his private room, adjacent from his work space.

Nia was placed into a small hole in the wall- well, small for Soundwave. It was VERY large for her. It had basic bedding, a bucket, and some food and water in the corner. There was a pile of clothing near the entrance, which sealed shut with a forcefield.

Instead of saying anything, Soundwave simply sat down. Silently, he observed her. Seeing her grow disgusted and enraged, realizing these were clothes from her home.

“You took these- what the hell is wrong with you? Are you some kind of sick freak?!” Soundwave smiled, under his mask.

Humans were so emotional, and so… lively. It was amusing.

“Sick freak,” he repeated, using Nia’s voice against her. She swallowed the lump in her throat, torn between screaming, crying, or vomiting. Considering the small space, and just a bucket, she figured throwing up was the worst thing to do, at the moment.

“This is more than using me as a bargaining chip. What do you want from me, you giant bastard,” Nia yelled, standing as close as she could to the forcefield. Soundwave stood, stepping over to her cell. Despite not wanting to show how terrified she was, she took a few steps back as his face appeared at her level.

Soundwave decided to give her a bit of a treat, since she’s finally here. Instead of using a recording…

“Want you,” came his own, mechanical response. She flinched a little bit, not expecting it to be so loud- or as robotic as it was. Ironic, considering she’s talking to a huge robot.

“What… do you mean?” The forcefield lowered, and Nia was grabbed before she could react. She struggled, growing more panicked as she was lifted into his hold.

“Watch you. Know you. Want you.” She stilled for a moment. Watching her…

“For fuck’s sake- did you bug my entire house?! Is that how you knew when I’d be home alone-!” He cut her off, placing a digit over her mouth.

“Yes.” He sat down again, letting her move his digit from her face. Her eyes- a lovely, bright blue that reminded him too much of the Autobots- shined with fury.

“Optimus is going to kick your aft, you stalking monster! And I’m gonna rip out your spark with my bare hands!” A silent laugh left him.

“Cute.” The mockery only infuriated her more. She tried to struggle as he reached up to run a digit along her hair.

“Stay here. With me. Whether Autobots come or not.” Nia tried to argue, but Soundwave was being hailed to the bridge. Reluctantly, he moved to put her back in her cell.

“Let me go! Let me out of here!” Soundwave paid the human no mind, leaving the room.

“Change clothes. Hate the red,” was all he said, before he left the room. She cussed at him as the door shut, sitting in the bedding angrily.

A screen appeared in her cell, showing a feed from Soundwave’s point of view. She knew it was him, because he made sure to start it up while staring into a monitor’s reflection.

“Always watching,” he all but purred, beginning his trek to the bridge. Nia glanced up, seeing cameras in all corners of her cell. He really could see her from all directions. She felt sick. He couldn’t help but smile, not that anyone could see. Even as she began to cry out of frustration, he felt as giddy as he did when he was a sparkling.

“Always watching.”

[ithinkimtheresponsibleone]

backstory for both owo

Okay, fair warning in case you don’t block tags or whatever;

Tw for: Transphobia, Dysphoria, Manipulation, and Self Harm

Okay? Okay.

OG Universe

Ace took a shaky breath, hiding in his room. He could still hear his parents yelling at each other downstairs. Oh, why did he think it was alright to come home late?

Hot tears brimmed his eyes as he sunk to the floor, hearing ‘she’ and ‘her’ along with ‘it’- as if he wasn’t her child but instead a robot or something she held no emotional connection with. He hated being called that so much- being thrown around as if he hadn’t already tried to correct his mom numerous times already. Each felt like a stab to the stomach, dropping the pit that rested there further and further until it felt like anything he would eat would just sit in his throat instead of his stomach.

And now? His mom and dad were arguing over if he had a right to feel comfortable in this home- no, house. In this house. The term home didn’t seem all that applicable anymore.

As the yelling got louder, he flinched, immediately darting up. Now standing, shaking ever so slightly. Tears blurred his vision as a spike of panic ran through his system. He looked at where his tank used to be- it used to house his rosy boa named Duke. It was no longer there of course, snakes weren’t a pet for good girls. Ace didn’t understand it, of course, that snake was his only comfort at times and had offered a sense of usefulness, even when he had told her numerous times that he was a boy and a feeling of worthlessness settled in his gut, but she dismissed it all with a simple “you’re not old enough to know yet” and “all girls feel like that, it’s okay, it’s normal. You’re still a girl.”

He wanted to destroy himself. Destroy every aspect of himself that could be associated with anything feminine; which at the time was all of him.

He took a shaky breath as a sob squeezed the air out of his lungs, pushing the tears off his cheeks with shaky hands. Ace could still feel the faint burn of the cuts across his chest, stinging from the rapid expansion and deduction from the short breaths. He bit the insides of his cheeks hard, in hopes to distract himself.

He laid on the bed and pulled the covers up and over him, pretending that it would shield him from whatever was happening elsewhere in the house. He knew whatever comfort he was gaining from this would be quickly ripped away from him as soon as the yelling settled, as his mom had a habit of ripping off the covers in order to talk to her ‘lovely daughter’ face to face because apparently that’s what kids should do even if it embarrassed and humiliated them in the process.

He pulled the blankets tighter around himself as the yelling subsided, shaking. Why was it so hard to please adults? That’s all he wanted, the fighting to stop, the loudness of everything to be put on hold too. For Zane- his younger brother by five years- to not be subjected to this when he grows old enough to understand the words that were being said, and for Amelia- his older sister by two years- to stop avoiding the house in hopes that she wouldn’t have to sit through and watch her brother suffer in silence.

There was a knock on the door and Ace held his breath as if that would help anything in the slightest. Maybe the blankets would let him suffocate and pass out so he wouldn’t have to deal with anything, he could just fade into warm darkness until all of this passed and he could wake up a million years into the future. He was sure people a million years in the future wouldn’t make him feel like this. They’d call him a boy. Ace was sure of it.

“Nicole,” his mother spoke softly as if speaking to a misbehaving infant, knocking on his door again and louder, “please open the door, I just want to talk.”

He didn’t respond, either way he knew he didn’t have a say in the matter. If she wanted to talk, they would talk. There was no way around this and no safe way out. Ace just continued to hold his breath as his eyes were left with no more tears to cry- or maybe they stop unconsciously, knowing that his mom would spend more time with him if he was visibly still upset and just try to explain herself and her thoughts that physically hurt him and made him wish for nothing more but the heat of a flame back on his arms.

“I’m coming in.”

No, leave me alone.

His mom opened the door slowly, walking over to his bed and, as expected, tore the blankets off of him until it was just him curled up on the mattress as dried tears were still felt on his cheeks. Only then did he exhale his breath, refusing to look at her as she sat on the side of the bed as if she didn’t rip away the last shreds of comfort he was trying to hold onto.

“Nicole, you know I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m your mother, I’m just worried.” She started, grabbing Ace’s arm tightly and forcing him to sit up beside her on the bed, practically making him look at her.

“You know this, right? I just want whats best for my daughter.”

No you don’t. “Yes, I know. I’m sorry for overreacting.r” Ace replied quietly, wishing that she would leave right now. Instead, she moved her arm to cup his face and wipe away his tears with her thumb. Her hands felt like a weight chaining him down in place.

“When I was you’re age, I would have been so jealous of you,” She said as if it would make anything better, “you’re so pretty, like a little flower. I would have loved a body like yours, you’re lucky! What your feeling is normal, all girls hate themselves in one way or another, trying to look like a boy and hiding from your insecurities does nothing to help you.”

Except, they weren’t insecurities. An insecurity is something you’re sensitive about, not something that makes you want to cut it off entirely and makes your brain feel like it’s going to combust from uncomfortability. Not all girls hated themselves- in fact, Ace could go so far to say that almost all the girls he knew loved themselves. He didn’t even want this body anyways!

He got pulled into a tight hug, reminding him of everything he hated about himself, as he was struck by his mom’s strong perfume that made him feel sick.

“I love you so much Nicole, more than the whole world.”

“…I love you too, mom…”

PJO Universe

He didn’t quite know what to expect, Ace never did spend a lot of time in the US except that one time he had to attend school in New Jersey because of his dad’s work. Besides that though? He wasn’t sure about nearly everything in the US and the lack of french everywhere made him feel… less than welcome to say the least.

Ace took a breath as if that would fill him with the ability to kick whatever anxiety was wiggling aggressively in his gut and filling his mind with the buzz of doubts and ‘what if’s. The air made him cough just a little bit. Just a bit. Though, he walked into the nome not long afterwards, mentally telling himself that everything was out of his control and was going to go horribly wrong anyways so what was delaying it really going to do in the end?

“Birdie!”

Of course that’s what he was greeted with when he ended up in Nome 21. The all too familiar screech of Kitlyn, who quickly threw her entire weight onto him. He stumbled back a few steps, having forgotten what she was like when excited.

She smiled up at him innocently, “hi! I missed you!”

He couldn’t help but start laughing, hugging her tightly. “I missed you too Chaton.”

“So, important questions first, do I need to kill anyone?” Kitlyn asked, wiggling out of Ace’s grip.

“Nah, no murder.” Ace shook his head, “I can do that by myself, Chaton.”

Kitlyn stuck out her tongue at him, “but I’m offering!”

“And I’m saying no.” Ace sighed, crossing his arms with a small smile still resting on his face. At least there was someone familiar here.

“Rude!” Kitlyn huffed, stomping her foot and crossing her arms as well.

“Eh, not really.” Ace shrugged.

[tinymatsu]

A Rick and Morty prompt where Morty is broken down and gets a surprise hug from his grandpa

I had this one done early, but I kept editing the beginning in and out. I got carried away with the breakdown part, and I’m nervous about it. I’m also not experienced with writing Rick’s drunk dialogue (or Morty’s really), so sorry for that!

(Link to prompt post)

So, warnings for existential anxiety, dissociation, implied/referenced pornography, and mentions of alcohol/alcoholism under the cut!

Morty fidgeted with the collar in his hands. He wasn’t sure why he’d kept them all this time, or why he played with them when he couldn’t sleep. He’d developed a bad habit of collecting the little mementos from their adventures, and an even worse habit of letting them keep him up at night. Among these trinkets were the three time-stabilizing collars he, Rick and Summer had needed to wear to regain certainty. They didn���t do anything now that their time was mended, whatever that meant.

The events of their time split were still confusing. Whenever he tried to remember, it felt like he was trying to untangle knotted yarn made out of fog. Foggy yarn shouldn’t even get tangled, shouldn’t exist in the first place.

If there was one thing Morty had come to know as truth - perhaps the only truth there was to be know - it was that nothing could ever “make sense”. Things didn’t have to make sense to exist, and a knotted yarn ball made of fog was a perfectly reasonable metaphor.

Morty clicked the collar open and shut a few times, peripherally noticing the occasional catch in the latch every couple of times. Somewhere, the knot loosened a little, telling him that the catch was somehow significant. By now, the boy should know better than to pull at the thread. But, hey, what do you expect from a Morty? They’re not exactly known for being smart.

Whenever Morty followed a memory, it would just dissipate and fall through the other strands, somehow ending up with a tighter knot. The tight knots tended to lodge in his throat.There was no way he would ever detangle those memories. What was certainty, the present time, reality?  Everything the happened, didn’t. How was that possible? Why, after all of the adventures Rick and taken him on, was Morty still finding things surprising and difficult?

“The answer is, don’t think about it.”

If only it were that easy. Rick always told his grandson not to think about the incomprehensible things they saw and did, as if he thought it was. Maybe it was because Rick was so much smarter and more experienced with these concepts, more experienced with life in general. Maybe it was just because Rick had his flask. Morty wished he had his grandpa’s coping skills to keep the weight of the entire universe’s uncertainty from suffocating him, or at least find a way to get off on the choking until it finally killed him.

Was it the pressure of the unknown squeezing Morty’s chest too? More literally, it was probably his heartbeat, but what’s the difference? Does it matter? Somewhere out there, a timeline exists where everything is the same, except that Morty’s heartbeat is a tick off from his own. And in that timeline, that Morty also lives with the uncertainty capable of shattering time itself. That Morty’s family could be just like his, but another Morty’s family may not exist, or may have existed at one point but something horrible happened, or maybe they all had two butts, one eye, and a heart shaped like a duck’s penis.

“They’re clones from an alternate reality possessed by demonic alien spirits from another dimension’s future!”

Everything was both possible and impossible; this and these were simultaneously fact and fiction, real and not.

Morty clicked the collar shut on his index finger. It didn’t hurt really, just a little bit of pressure to ground himself. He was real, at least for all that mattered.

“Nobody exists on purpose, nobody belongs anywhere, everybody’s gonna die.”

Is that true? Morty had told Summer (whichever code number version of his sister this was) the words she’d needed to hear, but right now, they sounded too solid to be true. Solid like the footsteps clumsily sneaking up the stairs. Were they? Did it matter? What about the doorknob shaking? Who else was in the house? What else?

“Hey! Hey Mo~rty, check this out!” Rick threw the door open noisily “Do you- you remember tha-that thing? L-l-look!” he waved around a tube and something that looked like a pearl the size of a fist, failing to notice that his grandson had barely responded to his loud entrance.

“Those m-mer~maids from-from Atlantis, Morty! The green chick, she-she gave me this! If you use this-this tur~bulent juice on it, you can- Morty, it’s like a free mermaid ca-cam show! Wa~nna check out some-some more mermaid ti~titties with grandpa?” Rick obliviously strolled over to sit on the bed next to Morty, staring at the pearl still.

“And I won’t go into d-detail, but hypo~thetically, if someone were to-to put this-” Rick’s excitement tapered off when he saw that Morty was still fixated on the collar in his hand. “M-mo~rty, are-are you listening to me? W-why do you have that stu~pid thing?”

Maybe Morty was tired, maybe part of him hated that Rick had forced this kind of knowledge on him, maybe he was just really frustrated the he could not enjoy the aquatic pleasures of the interdimensional right now. Probably for all of those reasons and none of them, Morty slapped the ball out of his grandfather’s hands. Rick tried to catch the ball, dropping the tube of turbulent juice on the bed. “Morty, what the fu~ck?!”

“D-d-dammit R-rick!” Morty shouted, the sudden anger causing tears he hadn’t previously been aware of to sting his eyes. “Y’know, m-m-maybe I- maybe I don’t give a f-fuck! I-i-i didn’t ask for mermaid t-tits or-or-or your bullshit ad-adventures! I- geez I-I’m fourteen! I-i want to-to l-look at human girls and-and go to school, and w-w-want to-to sleep at night and not deal with- with this and-and also with w-w-whatever the f-fuck y-you spilled on my bed and I-I’m tired, I-i-i-i’m-”

Morty was cut off by an overwhelming stench of alcohol. The unpleasant scent, which Morty reluctantly associated with home, was brought to his senses as his face was shoved straight into his grandpa’s flask tucked into the lab coat.

Frozen in the grip of the mad scientist, Morty hardly bothered to wonder why it was happening. Morty knew that somewhere beneath all of Rick’s intelligence and booze was something just as human as himself. That something once knew what it was like to be afraid and uncertain, but that now Rick could no longer afford the consequences of giving into. For some weird reason, that comforted Morty. Knowing that he wouldn’t be afraid forever made the current cloud of worried fade back into their usual untouched know. Slowly, Morty accepted the pressure of the hug, somehow feeling a little less suffocated.

[solo-trio]

Fate of the Empress Ch 2.

Kylo x Reader

Words- 3.6k

Warnings- Spoilers,Angst, None

A/N- Chapter 2 is here! Please enjoy! 

Kylo had shifted towards removing himself from the sunken mattress and your loving clutches. Sensing he was trying to abandon your comfortable position, you had thrown yourself on top of him, allowing him to experience what it would feel like to be a tree that a koala clung to. You giggled as he rolled his eyes at your feeble attempts to keep him from his duties. “Five more minutes,” you begged into his neck before offering a playful nip. Right next to your ear you felt a sigh of defeat. Triumphant, You smiled as you crawled up to lean over Kylo. You placed hurried pecks all over his face,thanking him for the time you knew you would be awarded. He never refused. You followed the line of his scar with your lips and his hand reached up to caress your back. You relished the feeling as you sat back to memorize your beloveds face before he would stalk away for the day defeating rebels and furthering the first orders reach in the galaxy. “My sweet girl,“ Kylo admired your morning beauty. These selfless, ethereal, and unpoisoned moments were few and far between. Each of them seemed alive in themselves as the air hummed with electricity and you were heated to a comforting temperature despite the harsh cold that had you craving Kylos warm chest flush against you every other moment you spent on the ship. He drew you to lay your head on his broad chest. You focused on his breathing,matching his inhales. He skimmed your scalp with his plush lips as you stared out into the vast expanse before you, spending your remaining minutes wisely.

As you each brushed past the other, completing your morning routines, resistance ships caught your eye outside the window. You threw a distressed glance to your commander. He noticed but didn’t address it.

 “What are your plans” he attempted to use your soothing voice to calm his anxiety arising from the expectations of him.

“I’m to assist Hux.” Even though you knew he didn’t approve of Hux and yours relationship, you would never hide it from him. Your truthfulness was one of the qualities of yours Kylo cherished. Every time you told him something you knew he wouldn’t like, he reacted how Kylo Ren would. Below his surface feelings though, he was always surprised at your refusal to hide information from him. He felt respected and significant as you hoped he would. How well your natural selves complemented each other was illustrated in this way among many others.

The exchange of a passionate kiss was the signal that he was about to leave you. The dangers of being associated with the first order inspired you to treat each moment together as your last in this life. His scars you had cherished served as haunting reminders to his resolute will but also, his proximity to defeat on multiple occasions. In his clutches you were reminded of just how strongly you were bonded. How lucky you regarded yourself to be, being loved by him. “Be true to yourself” you advised resting your forehead against his. You eyed his billowing cape the farthest you could until he disappeared into the sleek expanse of the ship. The tiny hole, that manifested itself in moments you dreaded being away from him, appeared in your chest. You prayed he wouldn’t drive himself farther into madness, knowing you’d not hesitate to follow him.

You arrived in a small room off the main hallway after communicating with hux earlier in the morning. This was while Kylo was at your side in and out of consciousness. While the events of starkiller base had affected your lover in a more emotional way, they had very noticeably manifested themselves physically on your best friend. His cheeks were hollowed while dark circles fully blossomed on his under eye area. His eyes were bloodshot, giving him a look of mania. A new addition to his features was a swollen lip. “What happened hux “ you grabbed his face and began inspecting it. “I don’t believe I’ve ever seen you in such a condition squeaky” you tried using his given nickname to cheer him up. His tight face didn’t stretch a smile in the slightest. “The resistance destroyed a dreadnaught,” he explained the failure that led to his current unassembled appearance. You offered no consolidation only wanting hux to confirm the suspicions that caused your blood to boil. “Supreme leader snoke was not pleased” he finished the story of his injury. You knew no one could touch hux without being executed unless it was snoke. You hated that creature with every fiber in your being. You had tried everything to find out about snoke, his weaknesses, even his history only to come up empty-handed. It tortured you day in and day out. “He’ll pay for it hux. For all of it.” you laid a reassuring hand on his shoulder. He looked to you nervously. The supreme leader had trained hux to not question him. You would do it for him though. You would do it for kylo and everyone that was subject to the deformed leader’s manipulation. Not wanting to make hux uncomfortable with more defiance aimed at his controller you changed the subject. “But I know you fixed it. Tell me what brilliant maneuver have you made possible this time?” You nudged him with your elbow. He puffed his chest proudly and explained light speed tracking. You were taken aback by your best friends genius and fed his ego. Starting out sincere then turning sarcastic and friendly, your compliments brought a rare grin to the generals worn features. Walking with him to the bridge, you felt comfort knowing you were on each other’s side. He had once told you that it wasn’t your humor that caused him to take notice of you but rather your passionate and collected leadership you displayed when you took the reigns of a situation. You still wanted to believe it was your wonderfully horrible jokes that fortified the friendship.

The action was already greatly underway when you had arrived to the scene. Orders,confirmations, and status updates were being conveyed fervently across the room to your sensitive ears dismay. You’d never seen the first order representatives in such chaos. Each member gripped for any opportunity to aid the wiping out of the last of the rebellion for nothing more than recognition, possibly a promotion. Piecing together different scraps of audio you had learned that the resistance cruiser,along with two support ships, were the last of the rebel’s and whose chances were looking extremely bleak. You looked to Hux knowing he would do his best to update you on Kylo Ren’s status. “He’s engaging the cruiser as we speak” you both looked to the displays. His fighter had fired shots that caused a large explosion in a wing of the opposing sides main transportation. Seeing Kylo fly was never anything less than thrilling. You looked longingly after the visuals of his craft as he glided through space. Memories of the time he’d shown you his ship distracted you. 

You’d sat with him in the cockpit and he taught you while you enthusiastically played with the controls. Your laughs echoed through the cockpit as he attacked your neck while you still pretending to be shooting down enemy ships. He was patient and relaxed as you two goofed off. As one of your favorite memories, you longed for that carelessness again. As Kylo’s desires were becoming realized though, you were aware Your chest tightened sorrowfully as his beautiful maneuvers were coaxed by the order to murder his mother among many other beings. 

You clutched Hux as you saw the skillful pilot position himself within firing range of the bridge. The room was void of breathable air as time seemed to sluggishly unravel. You knew he loved his mother, that killing her would destroy him. You projected your thoughts,as loudly as you could, hoping Kylo would feel them. You screamed at him that it was ok that to have weakness, that weakness was strength, that weakness was sanity, and that he was anything but weak. Looking to the rigid Hux for the only half second you could afford, you saw the curiosity in his gaze as to whether or not your lover would take the responsibility of killing the last of his immediate relatives. Eyes back to Kylo and ears alert to communications, you observed that it was not kylo but his supporting force that fired the shot that sucked his mother and her cooperatives into the dark cold expanse. You welcomed the deepest intake of air your lungs would allow. Hux scoffed next to you and you glared at him. You knew his rivalry with Kylo was deep set but he knew better than to make remarks toward Kylo in your presence. Now focused on being of use, you surveyed the status of all the involved spaceships. “Their going to be too far out of range for us to be effective against their shields in a matter of minutes. Tell Ren to return.” you ordered Hux. He opened his mouth to reprimand you but realized he had no time to. He was forced to repeat your correct evaluation and you smirked as his underlings witnessed him take orders from you. “Ren fall back we won’t be able to cover you. They’re speeding out of range” Hux ordered Kylo. You heard the leader of the knights of ren huff as he returned to his side of the battle.

Hux kept conversing with the other officers trying to predict the rebel’s actions and how to best foil their plans. You offered you opinion a few more times before exiting the bridge. You nodded Hux a farewell as you nearly tripped over yourself rushing out of the room. “They have nowhere to go. We”ll remain right behind them to remind them of their impending defeat nonetheless,” your ears overheard as your mind transitioned to one priority. Finding Kylo.

You crossed paths with him in the hallway to the hangar. You pulled him into a room off to the side and stared up at him. His sturdy body was shaking as his knuckles nearly broke through the leather of his gloves. “I’m proud of you” your voice was the only thing that rang with a happiness that covered your remorse. In a short period of time Kylo had managed to watch both of his parents die. You knew you would crumble if placed in his shoes. “I must see to it that the remaining resistance is wiped out.” He turned to join the ongoing constructing of plans. You did nothing, acknowledging his need for distraction. You had already accepted that nights of good rest would be something unwonted at the force users side. These next few years most likely would be haunted for the both of you after this was finished.

You breezed through the line in the mess hall. With the general population of employees at their stations monitoring every moment , you also had access to food that was usually depleted by the time you got around to eating. You packed two insulated sacks with food. You filled a cup with their most tolerable liquid, downed it in 3 seconds, waited for a cup of coffee to brew, and left with your two bags stuffed and a steaming to-go cup.

You scoured the bridge for your ginger associate. Unable to find the uptight general, you were forced to request the information of his whereabouts from a subordinate. “With supreme leader Snoke mam,” they said,barely looking up from their screen. Reluctance to go even meters within Snokes throne room delivered tidal waves of nausea. You waited feet from the first door of many that eventually led to the part of the ship that emanated crippling mystery. It was a short wait before you witnessed the panels slide open to reveal the person you had sought after. For the briefest of seconds you saw your other half standing before the creature you couldn’t see. Fear courses through you. Every time Kylo met with his master he returned to you in worse shape than before the meeting. “Hux!” You called to him. He barely regarded you as he clacked determined towards the direction from whence you came. “Ah ah this way.” you grabbed him and steered him towards the bridge but then into a room right before it. The glass walls allowed a nearly perfect oversight of the action. “I don’t have time for this I must return to my post” Hux fought you. “You said it yourself you have nothing to do but wait until they either fall behind so you may disrupt their shields or they full out of fuel. I think you have a few minutes to let me push you to care for yourself.” He went to argue but you shoved the coffee into his hands and he quieted, bringing the drink up to sip it. You unpacked the contents of the sacks and offered him the refreshments you knew he favored. He chewed on a few, nibbled on others but soon struck up conversation. “What you pulled on the bridge was treacherous” he finally revealed his real objection to sitting with you. “Was doubting the efficiency of Kylo Ren not?” You let a small part of your caged wrath escape to sharpen your words, knowing Hux would recognize it. “If it makes you feel better, I will not do it again” you tried further to apologize for acting out in a manner you knew would wound his pride. With a simple nod he acknowledged your promise and then continued eating. “What did Snoke want” you pried. “To congratulate me on tracking the resistance fleet” he proudly adjusted his uniform. “Well you were deserving of a congratulations at the very least” you agreed with Snokes actions for once. “What about Kylo” you asked in a smaller tone. “Something or other about the scavenger” he munched on another snack as you flinched. At mention of the scavenger you flinched. Hux looked upon you with a wavering Pity in his gaze. He needn’t ask. Anyone who was familiar with Kylo Ren could easily guess how the scavenger was bleeding into your relationship. You gripped a protein bar to pieces, the crinkling wrapper breaking the stillness of the air in the room, with white knuckles and a hard stare directed at the rebel fleet outside.

Last night had been so lovely, so rare, being one of the only times in the recent past that Kylo had shown more emotion for you over the scavenger. Just the day before you hadn’t seen him at all. He constantly trained, meditated, sought guidance, and destroyed different parts of the ship in fits of rage, all due to the scavenger. Her existence drove white hot flames to spread throughout your skin. You wished that she was on that ship about to be obliterated. You knew she wasn’t. That would’ve been too much of a blessing. You blamed her for the distance between your lover and you but underneath your disturbing need to ignore the truth you knew that this was Kylo. The reluctance Kylo expressed to you had always been due to the way he was, how he functioned at a different emotional capacity, until now. These days you suspected it was now the scavenger that kept Kylo from committing. Kylo didn’t realize just how possessive you were, as you never had to worry before, and it was actually something Hux understood and saw in you early on that was another reason for his high opinion of you. Snapping back from your toxic, untrusting train of thought, you let go of the snack you were gripping and sighed. “I’m sure he’ll do what Snoke says without fail” you didn’t look up. Hux did not respond. The silence, a confirmation, caused the itch of impatience for his demise to attack your skin. “Let’s back back to the bridge shall we” you stood with Hux and left the room for a droid to pick up. As Hux situated himself, you went to go talk to Kylo.

Back in your shared quarters your calls for Kylo bounced off the minimalist decorations, signaling his absence. You pondered what destination could have held him aside from the bridge and your quarters if he was not still occupied with Snoke. With a fresh notion, you skipped to the training room. There were crickets there as well. Your frown sunk even more. Your last hope was the medical wing and as you neared Kylo’s reserved treatment room you heard a grunt. You rushed to enter the room to comfort him but the doors slid open and Kylo scampered out as you were a few feet away. His broad back faced you as you stood frozen wondering why he had not noticed you yet. He seemed to be talking. He mentioned Luke, his past, all things he had explained to you but never opened up about to others. You stood observing. You’d should’ve approached him. Your inner demon’s need to spy overtook you though, as you strained to make out the content. “Can you see my surroundings I can’t see yours?” He said curiously. “All I can see is you” he confessed to whoever. This made you angry. All he saw was them? Who were they? “What’s connecting us? I know it’s not you doing this” he continued. Your nails punctured your skin as your fists tightened. He was connected to someone that wasn’t you. He snapped his front toward you before you had even registered the end of his mumbling. “What was that” you asked, not bothering to put on a guise of happiness or surprise. “Nothing” he fled back to the table where the droids were stitching up his scar. “You were talking to someone” you pushed wanting to hear him confirm what your bones were screaming at you. “You saw. There was no one in the hallway” he twisted the truth to benefit his need for you to be in the dark. He didn’t want to hurt you or make you feel insecure.

 He was also aware of the strain the scavenger was putting on your relationship. He felt compelled to give everything he could to defeating the scavenger so you and him could be free. He never wanted you to feel neglected but he wouldn’t rest until he knew there was no one that could prove to be an obstacle in the way of you ruling the galaxy together. “If you don’t answer me darling I’m going assume the worst possibility” your voice now changed to a light teasing tone. His body turned rigid as you smiled sweetly. He could sense a powerful darkness dripping from the edges of your being. He was intrigued, aroused even but wouldn’t let you challenge his stubborn resolve. He stayed silent. You stormed away. You didn’t know how but now he was talking to her. He was conversing calmly with the person he “would wipe off the face of the galaxy” he told you. A single tear careened down your cheek as you considered the possibility that this was the beginning of the end of the point in life where everything you endured was finally making sense. She was the only other force user you knew and though you didn’t know the exact rules of the force, you knew that this connection had something to do with it. The fact you couldn’t control it shoveled more at your psyche. You glided swiftly to the bridge. You bypassed hux and darted to the cannons station. “Move” You boomed at the poor individual seated at the controls. They looked back and forth anxiously between you and hux. The General didn’t even bother acknowledging the situation as you ripped their headseat and practically dumped them out of the chairs. You warmed up the cannons and started firing on the target. Click after click you sought to destroy the opposition. “General what is the projected time before their fuel depletion” you wanted to be there when they were obliterated. “Any minute now. It seems they’re medical ship is beginning to trail behind. Fire at will” Hux’s voice betrayed how pleased he was as he gave the orders. When the ship finally fell behind the line of reach where their shields would protect them you charged and fired the cannon even when all that was left was shrapnel.

Hux noticed your obscure behavior and couldn’t help but be drawn to you. The fire that burned in your eyes and cheeks is what he imagined you could be breathing out as long heavy breaths flowed through you. You sizzled with energy as bloodlust blinded you. Hux immediately recognized that which he loved most about you. He couldn’t control it. You were merciless and effective while also not having any special abilities. You let out a small giggle and his blood boiled wanting nothing more than to always be witness to this side of you.

You cooled off after your slight loss of composure. In your shared room, you showered. It was the only option you could think of that was as lonely as you needed. You rolled your neck as the water symbolized your anger and distrust sliding down the drain. Kylo was in the room when you trudged out. You reminded yourself over and over that you trusted him. “Was your meeting with Snoke alright” you asked. He only nodded as you dressed. You wrapped your arms around him as you kissed his neck from behind. “You know you can tell me anything.., I trust you” you were only slightly pushing. He nuzzled his cheek to yours. He stood up abruptly leaving you half dressed on the bed. “This meaningless dawdle has to end. I have to eliminate the resistance.” He planted a kiss to your forehead, mumbling a farewell for just a little while, in between gathering some things from his desk. Just like that he was gone once again. The silence rolled down the wall like decaying wallpaper. You told yourself he was very busy. This wasn’t the first time things were more on the silent side. Inside you though, you felt it. The tiny hole in your chest grew larger while your grasp on reality warped only slightly before you caught it and forced it back.

[setoangel01-fanfiction]

Confrontation

Beautiful Disaster - Chapter 3 (Previous Chapters)

Rated: T

Chapter Summary: Ash tries to get some answers from Johnny as to how he acquired his injuries - it's a lot harder than she expects.

Fanfiction.net

A03

Ash wasn't even fully aware of what was happening since her eyes locked onto the horrific injury. Vision blurring with unshed tears as she stared in abhorrent shock at the slit in his green jumper and the blood pooling around it. Some of the blood drenching it is dry, dark and clinging to the fibers of the shirt but also way too obvious that some was far too fresh. Johnny dodging her hand as she tried to help him must have injured him further…and that killed her.

This whole situation was outright horrifying.

It had to be a dream or some kind of demented nightmare for who on earth would hurt him? Johnny would never even fathom hurting another soul; so gentle and kind to everyone he met - what cruel, heartless person could actually stab him?!

…just what the hell happened…?!

Ash had grown completely unaware of how she was practically hyperventilating; eyes blurring with tears as she stared at the obvious stab wound Johnny had acquired…

The worst part was he still refused to tell her what took place tonight…

"Oh God, Johnny…Oh my God!" she screamed, hand moving to cover her mouth in the sheer horror of what she was witnessing. Something inside of her chest shattered at the reality she was being faced with and yet, Johnny refused to clarify whatsoever.

"It's alright! I'm alright! Everything turned out fine!" Johnny muttered, trying fruitlessly to pull away from her but found he didn't have the energy; only able to scoot up a bit further against the cold tiles of the wall. Part of him wished to flee, but Ash had already seen the wound and it was too late to hide it now.

Ash pushed her hand forward, ignoring Johnny flinching at her action but not caring in the least, as she touched the stained cloth around the wound she still had yet to see in its brutal entirety. Anxiety steadily began building in her gut; all too aware of the amount of blood staining his shirt and the fur underneath.

Just so much blood…

Lungs filling with frigid air; chest a gaping wound as she continually stared at it; confronting the reality that this indeed happened to Johnny - this wasn't a nightmare but brutal reality.

Yet, the questions still lingered like a horrible overcast shadow - Who did this? Why would anyone hurt him? How could this have happened to someone like him? Someone who had never hurt anybody…

Absolutely none of this made sense and Johnny tried to hide it from her; pulling away and treating it as if it was NOTHING! That he wasn't stabbed and possibly bleeding to death and something inside of her snapped.

"What the hell do you mean you're alright?!" something in Ash finally broke; the words came out choked and raspy but she found out she didn't fucking care. All she wanted was answers and dammit, she wanted them now.

"..."

"How can you possibly be okay?! You call this fine?!" the voice that came out of her mouth was so incredibly raw; the pain etched in it made Johnny flinch back a bit.

"..."

"...and what if it hadn't!? WHAT?" Ash continually shouted not even giving him time to ponder any sort of response..

"I-I don't…." Johnny tried to speak but Ash didn't let him finish.

"I'll tell you - you would have died, Johnny. That…that tomorrow, you'd never show up for work. I-I would gonna call your phone and you don't answer. T-T-That I'd be watching the news and find out my best friend had been killed and found dead i-in some ditch or dirty alley somewhere…Is that okay to you!?" Ash yelled, voice breaking and eyes misting over as she stared angrily at him.

Johnny grew completely silent; his chestnut eyes falling from her drilling gaze.

"This is not okay, Johnny. It's not. You're not… B-But before I argue with you anymore, I-I need to call an ambulance. You need to go the hospital!" she muttered more to herself as she reached into her skirt pocket to retrieve her phone when suddenly Johnny's hand was on hers and effectively blocking her from her task.

"NO!" he shouted and Ash's quills prickled on end…she had never heard Johnny shout like that and apparently, he hadn't either by how surprised he was when it came out.

"I-I'm sorry Ash…I…B-But, no…I-I-I can't go to the hospital." Johnny continued as almost an afterthought, pulling in on himself; his arms wound tight around his waist in a fruitless yet desperate attempt to keep his wound out of sight and out of mind for her. Needless to say, it didn't work.

A few moments passed before Ash found her voice again.

"Heh. W-Why not? In case you haven't noticed - you got fucking stabbed!" Ash said a lot more calmly than she felt at the moment. Her heart was beating a million miles an hour and her head was aching something fierce. None of this made sense and the horrific nature of what exactly took place tonight was driving her out of her fucking mind and now he refused to go to the hospital?!

A part of her questioning if any of this was really happening…

"Ash, please…I-I can't. Alright?" Johnny avoided her gaze the best he could but all it succeeded in doing was for her to keep drawing her eyes to the bloody stain in his jumper his hands didn't bother to hide anymore. The crimson leaking into the green staunchly contrasted and one thing for sure, Ash would never associate those two colors with Christmas ever again…

"...Why the hell not?" Ash asked steadily, doing her best to stay calm in this hellish situation.

"I-I…"

"Why not, Johnathan?" she growled, using his full name as a last resort.

"...because I can't bloody afford it, Ashley!" he growled back while using the same dirty tactic on her.

Ash's eyes narrowed at the use of her full first name (the ones her parents would use to especially ruffle her quills) and context but it worked for a moment, she had to give him that. All she wanted to know is when she became the one being disciplined in this situation.

Yet Ash wouldn't be silenced, "C'mon, you have to have some kind of insurance or something! Hell, even Moon has those that need it on that one program of his."

"...Ash…I'm bloody broke. I have nothing, alright? Nearly every cent I make is going to my dad's high-end lawyer - if I miss just one payment - just one - he'll drop my dad as a client, and…I-I can't let that happen. I just can't…"

"So, let me get this straight - you've been stabbed yet won't call the ambulance - will you at least call the police? Because dammit, Johnny, I'm not stupid - someone did this to you and they're still out there! What's to say they won't do it again?"

Johnny turned his face away; gaze steadfast off to some far off point before mumbling out, "I can't call the police..."

"...why the hell not? What if they're still looking for you and want to finish the job? You want those maniacs on the street?"

"I can't call the police because I don't want my dad to know! If the police find out, word will get to him…I know it will."

"Heh. I hate to put a hitch in your plans, but your dad is going to notice especially when you show up looking like this!" Ash didn't mean to yell, she really didn't, but she couldn't help it. Looking at Johnny's battered and blood smeared face broke something precious in her.

"I-I'll just tell him I was busy with work. I can get away with that since it's not really a lie. I just won't go see him until I've fully healed." Johnny shrugged and Ash's countenance fell.

"...does he have something to do with this?" It was like a light went on in her head; recalling Johnny telling her his father's extensive criminal history. How many years he'd been the leader of a gang that worked with a seedy under-network of criminals to steal vast amounts of cash and other goods. Johnny's father was almost like a kingpin - it shocked her how his son turned out so squeaky clean and not a bad bone in his body with a father like that. His mother must have been one hell of a good woman…

It had been long drawn out minutes but Johnny still hadn't answered the question and to Ash, that was an immediate 'yes' whether he wanted to admit it or not. Sometimes Johnny's silence was more telling than him speaking - she could read his eyes better anyway. The boy wore his heart on his sleeve.

"Johnny, why don't you want your father to know?" Ash asked; thinking perhaps a different tactic was in order if she wanted him to keep talking.

"..." Johnny remained silent.

"Look, if whatever happened tonight was somehow the result of your father's involvement in any way - this isn't your problem. What's the problem with telling him about it?"

"...Ash, my dad very may spend the rest of his life behind bars…" Johnny sighed and it wasn't news to her but the way he said it with his shoulders slumped and the saddest expression on his face hurt her like hell. "Yet, with this lawyer, he could possibly be out in as little as ten years - and…I want that. I-I want my dad out of that place. To have some kind of future…He's all I have left and I…I want to bring him home." he whimpered the last part; tears filling his chestnut eyes and it broke her heart in two.

"..." Ash didn't know what to say so she remained silent.

"If I told him what was happening - hell, even if word got out that I got me arse kicked by anybody - I have no doubt in my mind that my dad would break out of that prison again to murder whoever did it." Johnny muttered and Ash was surprised by Johnny's use of profanity, but seeing how emotionally and physically battered as he was right now - it seemed well warranted.

"The wardens and prosecutors already warned us that if he tries that stunt again…it's automatic life without parole…" his teary eyes finally met hers and the pain lacing them shocked her to her very core, "Ash, my dad would die in prison…I can't let that happen…I just can't." Johnny finished with a sigh, a shaking hand lifting to wipe at his face; flinching when he touched his swollen flesh and Ash was so tempted to pull his hand away so he didn't further hurt himself but she didn't.

Ash froze - staring as Johnny as if for the first time.

Realizing now just how selfless this guy was - always thinking of others and scarcely of himself. It hurt that as open as he was with her, he never bothered to tell her any of this; that for as close as they were in and out of the theater, he never mentioned the demons he was secretly battling.

On the tip of her tongue, she wanted to argue, to rebel against the harsh realities he told her. To tell him to call the police and ambulance to get him more help and catch the assholes that hurt him, but a part of her knew Johnny wouldn't allow it. Didn't want to go against his wishes and rupture this relationship she had with him - refused to ever let that happen…

It left Ash with only one choice…

"Fine. Since the ambulance and even calling the police is off the table - let me help at least clean up your wounds." Ash offered and for one of the few times tonight, Johnny met her eyes.

"Oi, Ash, you don't 'ave to. These are my problems - not yours."

"...I want to. Now come on." Ash offered a shaking paw which she just noticed had a few splotches of his blood staining her fur. It bothered her immensely but she ignored it for now to keep her offer open.

"...A-Ash, I…"

"Please." the words felt so foreign on her tongue, "I want to help you, Johnny…Let me help you."

The offer of her hand extended; Johnny's eyes flicking from the proffered hand to her face and back again as if trying to figure out of here was any ulterior motive but there was none in those crystal blue eyes.

Before he could talk himself out of it, he'd given her a stiff nod before taking her hand.